Relationships allow you to express your love and emotion in such prolific ways. But there are times that you have allowed your relationship to take over your life and you have gotten lost within, struggling to find a way out, not even really sure that you want to get out. Whether you are in a fresh new relationship or you are in the middle of a midlife crisis where you are torn between your partner and the person you are having an affair with – if you find that the relationship that you are having with your new love interest is really, really intense – you may want to take a few minutes to make sure you do not have a Relationship Toxicity that may have damaging effects for you and others in your life. Below are some starting points to assist you with understanding what may be considered toxic qualities within your relationship. Understanding the 10 signs that you are in a toxic relationship would help you avoid future damaging effects.
1. You feel disrespected
No one wants to feel that they are not respected by the significant others in their lives, so why should your relationship be any different? If your partner does not see the value in your partnership it may be time for you to move forward and move on. Respect is a vital part of an equal partnership. If someone truly cares for you, the position you hold in their lives will be that of honor, esteem, and worth.
2. You do not feel emotionally connected
Often times you may still be physically and intimately attracted to your partner but there is more to a relationship. Relationships are emotional in nature and it is naturally human to feel this affective state of consciousness. When we are in relationships we want to feel closenessto our partner so that we may share joys, sorrows, and fears. If you do not share this emotional connection with your partner you may feel alone although you are not physically.
3. You suddenly have a complete disregard for your own values
You always said that you want to be in a relationship where your partner does not drink or smoke or does not have pets or loud drunk friends. Infact,you can’t even stand being around smoke, yet here you are sitting in your new love interest’s house as he is smoking and having a drink with friends whose behavior you can’t stand because they’re just simply a-holes, all these while the dog is on your lap licking your elbow! Yet, you just cannot get up the nerve to ask him to stop any of these things in fear that you will make him mad and he will threaten to leave, or even if he does not say anything, you still fear the potential of him leaving. Worst is, you are so enthralled with this person you don’t even care if you go home smelling like smoke and a wet dog anyway!
4. You do not feel that you are in an equal partnership with a shared commitment
Take time to figure out if your partner is willing to work on the relationship when problems arise between the two of you. If there is no commitment to working on your relationship to assure its growth and prosperity then you must seriously consider that your partner is not ready to endure a long-term commitment. Reciprocity is key!
5. You are no longer taking care of your health and safety
If you are allergic to pets, smoke or perfume but you are spending 24/7 at your new boyfriend’s place who pours on the perfume, smokes and has pets while ignoring that fact that you can’t breathe or have broken out in hives – this may be a definite sign you have a relationship toxicity! More signs are if you have stopped doing your regular daily activities like working out or you are rushing around and speeding to get to his place or you are not getting enough sleep anymore so you are falling asleep at work or in school.
6. You lack trust in your partner.
Many people consider trust as part of the foundation of their relationship. If you lack the ability to trust your partner you will find yourself, constantly wondering what is happening or what will happen in your relationship. The uncertainty will be stressful and daunting. First,you must understand the reasons that you do not trust your partner and whether or not they are founded. If there is evidence to support your lack of trust discuss these concerns with your partner and decide if you still want to move forward.
7. You need to text or call him 30-40 times a day
Now be honest with yourself, if you are phoning, emailing and texting him 30-40 times a day – who are you really kidding? Okay, maybe for the first phase of your relationship this is fun and romantic – however,this is going to become disruptive and obsessive as time goes on. After a while, even with a very close connection between the two of you, the novelty should wear off and the amount of contact should drop in number as you stabilize into a familiar relationship. If the amount of contact doesn’t stabilize you may very well have a Relationship Addiction.
8. You lack desire for personal development.
In other words,you lack the desire to enhance yourself; physically, emotionally and mentally. You may even be dealing with a bout of depression. When you are dealing with stressful issues such as those that impact your life, like your relationship, you may choose to neglect yourself. Take back charge of your life; YOU are the center of your being, not your relationship. Your relationship is not meant to define you; your relationship should complement you.
9. Your reasons for being with your new love interest is irrational
People will do all sorts of things for love but if your thought process is completely irrational such as: when your new boyfriend just lost his parents and now he has four younger siblings to take care of, and you want to move in with him but you don’t want to have anything to do with all the baggage and you are expecting him to pay attention to you 24/7. Another case is if he is completely dysfunctional and your reason for being in a relationship with him is that you think you are to fix and save him. Deep down you know that you are just too scared to take a moment to be rational because if you do, you will find out that you can’t just simply justify being with him.
10. You have been physically abused
There is no need to allow yourself to go through the torment of this type of treatment and please know that you deserve better. Abusers need outside help to change their behavior pattern. You will not be a catalyst for change for this person, the abuser must want to change and be willing to seek help immediately. Get out of this situation as soon as possible. If you are having a difficult time removing yourself from this situation and you need assistance, please confide with your most trusted friend or a stranger whose judgment of you does not really matter.
The good news is that you can break away from a toxic relationship. Some couples are able to get past through this relationship toxicity together. What’s important is for both the partners to make an attempt at saving their relationship. The thing to remember is that you must be willing to walk away if things don’t work out.If you cannot walk away, you’ll never be able to heal. Once you have decided that you can walk away, you can begin to assert your needs in that relationship. Use sentences like “I need your love”, or “I need your support” and you’ll have a better chance than simply nagging.
Remember, a happy healthy relationship is a two-way street. Both of you are responsible for the relationship to work. The power is in your hands.